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What To Do With Your Leftover Easter Chocolate

Updated: Jul 11, 2021

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The views, information, and opinions expressed in this blog are intended for entertainment purposes only, and are solely those of the individual/author involved and do not necessarily represent or reflect the official policy or position of any other entity whatsoever with which I have been, am now, or will be affiliated. This includes any agency, organization, employer or company and their employees. The material below is both humorous and satirical in nature, and should not be taken as a factual account of how I would actually respond under a similar set of circumstances.

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What To Do With Your Leftover Easter Chocolate

Here's a classic brain-teaser: Suppose I am a school teacher. The day after Easter, I have some candy I would like to share with my students. I have 7 individually-wrapped chocolates. However, 8 students show up for class. How do I divide 7 chocolates among 8 students? Now, of course, there are many different ways of solving this dilemma. I will list as many as I can, beginning with the most reasonable and proceeding to the most absurd.

So many delicious possibilities...*Rubs hands together*...Class is in session!

1. The Fair Approach: I break each chocolate into 8 pieces, then I give 1 piece from each chocolate to each student.

2. The Mother Approach: I melt all 7 chocolates into one big chocolate bar. I then cut the big chocolate bar into 8 equal pieces. I give each student 1 piece.

3. The Messy Approach: I melt the chocolate in a huge chocolate fondant fountain. I give an equal amount of strawberries to each student. They can dip their strawberries in the fountain as many times as they wish (no double-dipping!) until all the chocolate is gone.

4. The Brownie Approach: I make brownies with the 7 chocolates. I slice the brownies into 8 pieces. I give each student 1 slice.

5. The Enhanced Brownie Approach: I make brownies with the 7 chocolates. I slice the brownies into 9 pieces. I give each student 1 slice. I eat 1 slice myself.

6. The Sunk Cost Fallacy Approach: I have already bought 7 chocolates, so I might as well buy another. I buy 1 more chocolate in order reach a total of 8 chocolates. I give each student 1 chocolate.

7. The Capitalist Approach: I give the students jobs in the classroom (garbage removal, gum removal, floor sweeper, etc), and pay the hardest-working students hourly wages in chocolates, while teaching them valuable financial literacy skills such as budgeting (which would also teach discipline and self control, since the students would just want to eat all their “earnings” right away). With only a few pieces of chocolate and a decent work ethic, I teach the students valuable life lessons which will serve them well for the rest of their days.

8. The Democratic Approach: I put the chocolates on the table and tell the students that they should figure it out themselves. But they can't eat it until the majority agrees.

9. The Socialist Approach: Same as the Democratic Approach, but they can't eat the chocolate until all of the students agree on the method of distributing the chocolate.

10. The Republic Approach: I put the chocolates on the table and tell the students that they must vote to elect representatives, who will debate what to do with the chocolate.

11. The Communist Approach: All students are equal, so they must get the same amount. Consequently, I will keep the chocolates for myself until the student community makes an extra piece.

12. The Laissez-faire Approach: I put the chocolates on the table and leave the room.

13. The Monopoly Approach: I sell the chocolates in an open auction. I capitalize on the increased demand in order to sell the chocolates at a higher price to the highest bidder.

14. The Distributor Approach: I give all the chocolates to one student and I ask them to sell them for me. They keep 15% of the earnings and I keep the remaining gross profits.

15. The Efficient Market Hypothesis Approach: I give each student either money, or chocolates, or both. I leave them to create reciprocal transactions until all of them are happy. Of course, I tax them all with 13.2% VAT each transaction. Also, a luxury tax might be applied on a later stage.

16. The Health-Care Approach: I examine the students for diabetes, tooth cavities, obesity, and food allergies. I would deny the chocolates to the one with the worst condition. I would give the remaining 7 students 1 chocolate each.

17. The Darwinist Approach: I throw the chocolates into the air. The strongest students end up with the most chocolates.

18. The Radical Approach: I eat the chocolates while also expounding on the evils of white chocolate. Every student is to write an essay on the inherent racism of chocolate and the evils of White Chocolate throughout history.

19. The Ivory Tower Approach: I spend a month writing a proposal for a $1 million grant to fund a major academic study on the subject. After the results have been tabulated, I write a 300-page report that is published in a major journal. The students are paid for their participation in the research, but the chocolates are untouched.

20. The Judicial Approach: I randomly distribute the 7 chocolates to 7 of the students. The remaining student sues me for inequity. After obtaining legal representation, the civil case Teacher vs. Student is scheduled to be heard by the Supreme Court in two years. All chocolates are confiscated as evidence by the attorneys during the discovery phase.

21. The Affirmative Action Approach: Because the chocolates are discovered to have no voice in the matter, they are being unfairly represented. We consult the chocolates.

22. The Venezuela Approach: I distribute 4 chocolates per day based on the last digit of each student's ID card. The first day, the students with an ID# ending with an even number can get one. The second day, the ones ending with an odd number can get one as well. The distribution holds until the stock is depleted. Students denied chocolates may riot.

23. The Surrealistic Approach: I give each of the students a new bicycle while singing "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."

24. The Robin Hood Approach: I steal chocolates from the rich. I then divide the spoils among the poor students.

25. The Totalitarian Approach: I destroy all the chocolates and deny they ever existed.

26. The Dictatorial Approach: I eat all the chocolates myself. I eat them excruciatingly slowly. I make the students watch.

27. The Favoritism Approach: I decide which student I like the most and I give them all of the chocolates.

28. The Bully Approach: I decide which student I like the least. I give one chocolate to all of the other students.

29. The Willy Wonka Approach: I put the students through a series of life-threatening moral dilemmas until only one student remains. Then, I give all 7 chocolates to that 1 student.

30. The Hunger Games Approach: I invite all students to participate in the Hunger Games. The last student standing receives the chocolates--and their life--as the prize.

31. The Thanos Approach: Thanos snaps his fingers and half of the students vanish. Now I have 7 chocolates and 4 students. Hmmm....not easier than previously. *facepalms self*

32. The Back To The Future Approach: I return to Easter Day and pick up an extra chocolate, which I bring back to the present. In the process, however, I see my former self, and the space-time continuum is destroyed, along with the chocolates.

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